Not Much Remember

"behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil--this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart." Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

I've been thinking on these verses for a while- a few weeks ago they were read during the morning service at First Pres. I was, and still am, struck by the last line... for he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart.

I've spent the past 6 years of my life training to be a Physician Assistant... and I've been working in Nephrology for the past 6 months. During the day... I deal with many problems.. some acute.. others not, and I interact with many other health care professionals. In the trenches, each issue feels really large and can get me really worked up. I've been surprised at how much anger I've dealt with.

It's interesting that as I write this blog..... I feel the need to have a resolution.. some big.. I trusted God and he provided and now everything is grand. I do not have a resolution... just a prayer that I would not much remember my days because I'm occupied with joy in my heart toward Him who has loved me.

My New Favorite Song

Too Proud

I'm too proud to ask, too broke to eat, too weak to bow, too strong to bleed

Can you sing over me words of comfort
Can you satisfy me, sweet honey
Can you break through me with your strong hands
Can you undo me enough to heal me

You take the weight from my shoulders
My hands were clenched, now they're open
I'll take your goodness, poured from the sky
Food from the ravens, water from the dry well

a safe place

There are no “if’s” in God’s world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety—O Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!
-The Hiding Place

A few things have happened in the past week to cause me to think on this idea of safety.

1. A man following me home, blocking me in, getting out of his car to yell at me for "cutting him off."
2. A car break-in followed by a friend getting shot at (he's okay, thankfully).

I kept thinking after these things happened... well what if.....? What if....? If you know me, you know I tend to be on the more anxious side of things. I thought of this quote from one of my favorite books. All is well if I am with Him. Would I wish to be anywhere else? On a really bad day, I might think I would. And what is my idea of safety, anyway? Freedom from physical or emotional pain, control?

The more and more I try to control and protect myself, the more anxious I am. He is the one who has created all things through Him and for Him, holds all things together, and is reconciling all things to Himself (Col 1). As I've been thinking on Him, the more I know He alone is all-wise. He knows what I need more than I do. He is more interested in me getting to where I need to be than I am in getting there. And I wouldn't even begin to have an idea of how to get anywhere if I can't even see my needs clearly. So, if He's in control of all things and He only is all wise- then I will trust Him that I am safe exactly where He has me. Not that I won't be harmed or hurt, but I am safe.

Calmly we look behind us,
on joys and sorrows past,
We know that all is mercy now,
and shall be well at last;
Calmly we look before us,--
we fear no future ill,
Enough for safety and for peace,
if Thou art with us still.
Jane Borthwick