Peace

How fitting and how very sweet!

Peace

Henry Vaughan

MY soul, there is a country
Far beyond the stars,
Where stands a wingèd sentry
All skillful in the wars :
There, above noise and danger,
Sweet Peace sits crown'd with smiles,
And One born in a manger
Commands the beauteous files.
He is thy gracious Friend,
And—O my soul awake !—
Did in pure love descend,
To die here for thy sake.
If thou canst get but thither,
There grows the flower of Peace,
The Rose that cannot wither,
Thy fortress, and thy ease.
Leave then thy foolish ranges ;
For none can thee secure,
But One, who never changes,
Thy God, thy life, thy cure.

calvary love

I was able to spend some time this am reading in James on "counting it all joy" and then through one of my favorite books, If, by Amy Carmichael. She has a collection of poems that start with "If".... and end with "I know nothing of Calvary love." Heavy stuff. Reminded of His path. Here's one poem that I particularly love:

If I ask to be delivered from trial rather than for deliverance out of it,

to the praise of His glory;

if I forget that

the way of the cross leads to the cross

and not to a bank of flowers;

if I regulate my life on these lines,

or even unconsciously my thinking,

so that I am surprised when the way is rough

and I think it strange, though the word is,

"Think it not strange...."

"Count it all joy......."

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

"No vision of the night can show, no word declare, with what longings of love Divine Love waits till the heart, all weary and sick of itself, turns to its Lord and says,

"take full possession."

There is no need to plead that the love of God shall fill our heart as though He were unwilling to fill us: He is willing as light is willing to flood a room that is opened to its brightness; willing as water is willing to flow into an emptied channel. Love is pressing around us on all sides like air." -Amy

cultivating gratitude

"He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else." Acts 17:24-25

Continuing to cultivate gratitude: a swift antidote for discontentment.

• church
• Galatians
• coffee
• clean water
• music
• my roommate
• job
• patients to love
• lord's sovereignty
• my parents
• safety
• vulnerability
• hot shower
• singing
• my name is graven on His hands
• time to sit still
• freedom
• the wonder of memory
• Word that is alive
• soft lighting
• good pens
• turtlenecks
• winter
• piano solos
• being fully known and fully loved
• scarves
• journals
• eyes to take everything in
• knees for kneeling
• hands for raising
• laughter
• adoption
• white bedding
• wittiness
• musicals
• glasses
• photographs
• clorox
• Apple
• chapstick
• downtown
• grace upon grace

necessary

Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; but only one thing is necessary.........

"How should you not give your whole heart to God, who loved you before you loved Him, and that with the tender love of a Father pitying His children, and knowing the frail clay and dust of which they are made? He sought us wandering in self-chosen paths, the paths of sin, He toiled after us as a shepherd wearying himself to find a lost sheep. Nor is He satisfied with seeking, but when He had found us, He took both us and our sorrows on His own shoulders--He was obedient to the death on the cross. We may truly say that He loved us to the death of the cross, and the measure of His love and His obedience is the same. When this love thoroughly fills a soul, it enjoys a true peace of conscience; it is content and happy, asking neither greatness nor fame nor pleasures--nothing, in short, which the lapse of time will sweep away and leave no trace behind. It seeks nothing except the will of God, and it watches continually in blessed expectation of the Bridegroom." Fenelon

O for grace......

chief need

Not relief from pain, not relief from the weariness that follows, not anything of that sort at all, is my chief need. Thou, O Lord my God, art my need—Thy courage, Thy patience, Thy fortitude. And very much I need a quickened gratitude for the countless helps given every day. -Amy Carmichael

Cultivating Gratitude: spurred on by several friends who have encouraged me by their hearts of thanksgiving... I thought it would be helpful for me to practice...

1. new mercy every am
2. coffee (specifically peppermint mocha today)
3. getting books I ordered in the mail
4. encouragement from a patient
5. Dad: successful surgery; likely D/C from hospital just in time for Thanksgiving :)
6. my church
7. Elisabeth Elliot
8. lacrae
9. hoodies with thumb-holes
10. sucker-kiss from Nathan (3 year old son of my boss)
11. kidneys
12. comfort of Lord's sovereignty
13. finally memorized Psalm 16
14. national geographic
15. friends to walk through life with
16. hymns
17. hot water
18. the volvo that keeps going :)
19. grace to count until 10 today when I got asked the same question by 3 different people
20. mountains

disquieted

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Ps. 42:5

My disclaimer is I'm not trying to provide a how-to plan for trusting the Lord, only sharing what is helpful for me on days like today. Talking to myself (in a non-pathologic way) seems to be particularly refreshing when I'm feeling restless and disquieted (John Piper has a great sermon on this). I used ESV search online to guide me. Reorients my thinking off of myself and onto Him. I remember that though I might not see or feel or know what He is doing or why He is doing it or what might happen as a result, everything comes from His hand and is good. Then comes worship when I see circumstance as the particular platform that God has provided for me to know Him more.

Here's my compilation:

The Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are justice. A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is he. Deut. 32:4

But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able thus to offer willingly? For all things come from you, and of your own have we given you. 1 Chronicles 29:14

The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. Psalm 145:17

Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Proverbs 30:5

For his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?” Daniel 4:34-35

I know that you can do all things
and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. Job 42:2

And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. Isaiah 30:20

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

He stood and measured the earth; he looked and shook the nations; then the eternal mountains were scattered; the everlasting hills sank low. His were the everlasting ways. Habakkuk 3:6

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:16-17

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! Romans 11:33

And they sing the song of Moses, the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, “Great and amazing are your deeds, O Lord God the Almighty! Just and true are your ways, O King of the nations! Revelation 15:3

all the way

all the way my Savior leads me
what have I to ask beside?
can I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide?

heavenly peace divenest comfort
here by faith in Him to dwell
for I know whate'er befall me
Jesus doeth all things well

all the way my Savior leads me
cheers each winding path I tread
gives me grace for every trial
feeds me with the living bread

though my weary steps my falter
and my soul athirst may be
gushing from the rock before me
lo, a spring of joy i see

all the way my Savior leads me
O the fullness of His love!
perfect rest to me is promised
in my Father's house above

when my spirit, clothed, immortal
sheds its light on realm of day
this my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way

a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted Amy Carmichael

persuasion

"For the mountains may depart, and the hills be removed; yet my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:9-10

I'm enjoying a wonderful, beautiful time in San Diego as I attend a Nephrology conference. On the flight in- the landscape was absolutely beautiful....bright blue sky.... boulders.. mountains.. ocean.... gorgeous. I looked at the mountains and thought on how permanent they seem- and how short the average human lifespan is in comparison. They've been there much longer than I've been around, and will remain long after I am gone.

The Lord brought this verse to mind (plug for Scripture memory) and I was and still am so humbled at how sweet the Lord is to give me such astounding confirmation of his love for me. The implication is that the Lord knew/knows that you and I would struggle with living in the confidence of being fully known and fully loved. That the mountains could depart (think Narnia and the trees walking to join in battle) or the hills be removed, but His love, His covenant remains. Is there anything else to desire than to know more of this great love?!

Be persuaded, timid soul, He has loved you too much to cease loving you.
Fenelon

biddings

This is one of my favorite conversations from Perelandra by CS Lewis. It really captures the heart of my favorite Puritan prayer: "Lord, whatever you give I will receive, and whatever you take, I will let go." Stinking hard words to say and even harder words to live......

Lady: One goes into the forest to pick food and already the thought of one fruit rather than another has grown up in one’s mind. Then, it may be, one finds a different fruit and not the fruit one thought of. One joy was expected and another is given. But this I had never noticed before—that the very moment of the finding there is in the mind a kind of thrusting back, or setting aside. The picture of the fruit you have not found is still, for a moment, before you. And if you wished—if it were possible to wish—you could keep it there. You could send your soul after the good you had expected, instead of turning it to the good you had got. You could refuse the real good; you could make the real fruit taste insipid by thinking of the other.

Ransom: “And have you no fear,” said Ransom, “that it will ever be hard to turn your heart from the thing you wanted to the thing Maleldil (the Lord) sends?”

Lady: “But how can one wish any of those waves not to reach us which Maleldil is rolling toward us?......who thought of its being hard? The beasts would not think it hard if I told them to walk on their heads. It would become their delight to walk on their heads. I am His beast, and all His biddings are joys.

it is the Lord

"Let us shut our eyes to that which God hides from us in the hidden depths of His wisdom. Let us worship without seeing; let us be silent and sit still.......

What are we that we should ask Him, Why doest Thou thus? It is the Lord, and that is enough; it is the Lord, let Him do as seems Him good. Let Him lift up or cast down, let Him wound or heal, let Him smite or soothe, let Him give life or death, He is always Lord; we are but His work. What matter, so long as He is glorified, and His will is fulfilled in us? Let us throw self aside, and then God's will, unfolding hour by hour, will content us as to all He does in or around us. "

*Francois Fenelon

“Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?” he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. “It’s too heavy,” I said. “Yes,” he said. “and it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.” And I was satisfied. More than satisfied—wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions—for now I was content to leave them in my father’s keeping.

The Hiding Place

Not Much Remember

"behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil--this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart." Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

I've been thinking on these verses for a while- a few weeks ago they were read during the morning service at First Pres. I was, and still am, struck by the last line... for he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart.

I've spent the past 6 years of my life training to be a Physician Assistant... and I've been working in Nephrology for the past 6 months. During the day... I deal with many problems.. some acute.. others not, and I interact with many other health care professionals. In the trenches, each issue feels really large and can get me really worked up. I've been surprised at how much anger I've dealt with.

It's interesting that as I write this blog..... I feel the need to have a resolution.. some big.. I trusted God and he provided and now everything is grand. I do not have a resolution... just a prayer that I would not much remember my days because I'm occupied with joy in my heart toward Him who has loved me.

My New Favorite Song

Too Proud

I'm too proud to ask, too broke to eat, too weak to bow, too strong to bleed

Can you sing over me words of comfort
Can you satisfy me, sweet honey
Can you break through me with your strong hands
Can you undo me enough to heal me

You take the weight from my shoulders
My hands were clenched, now they're open
I'll take your goodness, poured from the sky
Food from the ravens, water from the dry well

a safe place

There are no “if’s” in God’s world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety—O Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!
-The Hiding Place

A few things have happened in the past week to cause me to think on this idea of safety.

1. A man following me home, blocking me in, getting out of his car to yell at me for "cutting him off."
2. A car break-in followed by a friend getting shot at (he's okay, thankfully).

I kept thinking after these things happened... well what if.....? What if....? If you know me, you know I tend to be on the more anxious side of things. I thought of this quote from one of my favorite books. All is well if I am with Him. Would I wish to be anywhere else? On a really bad day, I might think I would. And what is my idea of safety, anyway? Freedom from physical or emotional pain, control?

The more and more I try to control and protect myself, the more anxious I am. He is the one who has created all things through Him and for Him, holds all things together, and is reconciling all things to Himself (Col 1). As I've been thinking on Him, the more I know He alone is all-wise. He knows what I need more than I do. He is more interested in me getting to where I need to be than I am in getting there. And I wouldn't even begin to have an idea of how to get anywhere if I can't even see my needs clearly. So, if He's in control of all things and He only is all wise- then I will trust Him that I am safe exactly where He has me. Not that I won't be harmed or hurt, but I am safe.

Calmly we look behind us,
on joys and sorrows past,
We know that all is mercy now,
and shall be well at last;
Calmly we look before us,--
we fear no future ill,
Enough for safety and for peace,
if Thou art with us still.
Jane Borthwick

the mystery of God

"No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly" Psalm 84:11

How is it possible that he does not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly. How is it that he is working all things together for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28) How is he before and behind all things, holding all things together, reconciling all things to himself? How are all things created through him and for him? (Col 1)

How big the Lord is. How small my circumstances.. how large my discontent... my unbelief. In the face of such a great God who gives me only what I need (whether perceived by me as good or bad) and who withholds the things I really don't need (whether I think I need them or not).

Read this tonight in Knowing God:

"The meaning of 'he will give us all things' can be put thus: one day we shall see that nothing--literally nothing-- which could have increased our eternal happiness has been denied us, and that nothing--literally nothing--that could have reduced that happiness has been left with us. What higher assurance do want than that?"

How sweet.

Through Him

"In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him." 1 John 4:9

I leave for Trinidad tomorrow! I'm going on a medical mission trip with Mission To the World with local nursing and medical students and providers.

I really struggle with wanting to see some big results... all good things: people come to know the Lord, providers and students learning what it looks to provide medical care in a way that people see Christ, people being knit together and learning to walk alongside one another as we seek Jesus. This can be problematic, idol-ish rather, when I place all these expectations for performance on myself. I become overwhelmed, paralyzed, and grumpy.

In spite of all my selfishness, the lord loves me. I am so inadequate, and this is so great, because it really leaves no room for myself to shine... only Christ. And I love that the Lord can use all this for my good and His glory!

As I studied this verse today, I love the phrase through Christ. God has manifest his love among us that we might live through Christ. Not through my ideas or my experience or training or performance or results. Life is so much more freeing when I see that my goal is to know Christ and live through His strength while embracing that I have none of my own. The pressure is off!!

Faithful

He's Always Been Faithful to Me
Sara Groves

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me.